Neurodiverse , not "anti-cure" : a false paradigm

People and publications will tell you that autism is a disease . They'll tell you it's bad parenting or epigenetics or vaccines depending on the current trend ... Funny isn't it how the supposed "cause" changes on a whim depending on who we are meant to blame for society's ills at any given time ? Firstly it's emotionally frigid mothers , then it's Big Pharma... I'm honestly wondering who is going to get blamed next ! 

Sorry to put a spanner in the works but autism isn't a disease . The autistic mind is just another natural variation of what a human mind is . Doesn't need to be a cause. 

We have a need for "autistic " or "Neurodiverse" to exist as a category , still, but for other reasons, like being able to talk about our lived experiences from a fixed point , and to work towards self advocacy, better healthcare, et cetera. This does not make "autism" a disease by default just because we put a name to it. 

In the press people talk about autism having "no cure" , or people are asked whether they are "pro-" or "anti-cure". I am not either . Why is that ?

Because it's not a disease or a disorder. 

By saying that I'm "anti" an autism cure, I am entering into and engaging with a false paradigm, one that suggests that being autistic is to be in a pathological state , whether or not one wishes to see it cured . It's time to blow this bullshit wide open and understand that autistic people have problems because of society and not because we are somehow sick or deficient in any way.

A

On eye contact

I am still listening when I don't look at you . Eye contact distracts me from the content of your speech . To me eye contact is as off-putting and physically uncomfortable as if neurotypical people suddenly decided that it was de rigueur to fill one's bra with freezing cold water prior to leaving the house in the morning . So much to contend with around me in order to pay attention to the details of the conversation, let alone even structure a response.

A

My voice is too loud and it hurts my throat

A mind that wants to paint in watercolour but can only create images in intense thick oil paints . Which are the ideal medium for many messages but not all. A voice that wants to speak softly and evenly like an old Hollywood actress but my larynx and other parts betray my wishes . I can only exclaim loudly, in a tone of voice that doesn't sound natural . My voice is too loud and hurts my throat . "Use your indoor voice" . It is impossible . 

Introductions

Hello,

I've set up so many blogs in my life. But for some reason I could never structure posts, and even then, poor attention span and executive functioning prevented me from writing more than a handful of entries; these were mainly composed of photos with contrived captions that were thought up in a desperate attempt to echo other neurotypical bloggers - not that I truly realised the significance of being neurotypical then.

So this is a starting post . I was diagnosed as autistic in October 2015 at the age of 23. I had managed to muddle my way into a handful of straight As at Sixth Form, a Neuroscience degree from a prestigious university, and then a high-powered job. But something had always coloured my horizon. Why was it I was getting such good grades but falling apart almost when it came to organising the rest of my life. Why did I rely so much on copying other people's mannerisms in even the most casual social situation? My friends were aghast at how, upon discovering a book or film or fashion designer I loved, I would find it consumed me to the point where I didn't want to talk about anything else . It would make me feel content to sit and learn the most obscure and esoteric facts and back stories of my favourite pop bands or film stars . I suppose my laser like focus on more female-coded interests (such as male rock stars or fashion design) could have been overlooked as girlish excitement or idol worship, rather than a sign of an autistic mind at work. My social life was erratic at best but I had a handful of friends (and now a girlfriend !) who joined in laughing with me at my mannerisms (which in turn amuse and frustrate me!) and welcomed my eccentricity. And now I've been formally diagnosed, I'm being allowed the chance to begin a lifelong journey of self acceptance that I had not previously felt deserving of . 

This is where I will write my words which convey more of my mind than spoken language seems to be capable of. It'll be about autism, as that does shape my whole existence , but also other things . My craft projects . Films I enjoy. How my sexuality and gender further shape my place in the world . 

I regularly get phrases stuck in a loop, firing around the fibre optics of my mind. They're sometimes funny, sometimes nonsense, often quotations from something I've heard . "All I see is cornbread". That's Ellen Ripley's first line from 1979's "Alien". Can you tell what one of my rather focussed interests is yet ;-) haha!

A